Breaking Down Jiu-Jitsu’s Barriers of Entry: A Coach's Perspective

As a jiu-jitsu coach, one of the most fascinating – and sometimes frustrating – parts of my job is watching people's defensive mechanisms snap into place the moment they are asked to consider stepping onto the mats. Their excuses are polished and ready, like well-rehearsed lines in a play they've performed countless times before.

"I'm too old for this."

"I don't have the time."

"I'm not in good enough shape."

"It's too expensive."

These aren't just casual dismissals – they're protective barriers, carefully constructed over years to shield us from the vulnerability of trying something new, the possibility of failure, the discomfort of growth. As a coach whose primary purpose is to help people transform their lives through jiu-jitsu, it's particularly challenging to watch people close themselves off from an opportunity before they've even given it a chance.

But here's what's really happening beneath those excuses: people aren't just avoiding jiu-jitsu – they're avoiding change itself. They're avoiding the possibility of discovering that maybe, just maybe, they're capable of more than they thought possible. They're protecting themselves from the discovery that their comfortable routines and familiar limitations might be self-imposed prisons.

Let me share three stories that perfectly illustrate what happens when people finally lower these barriers and step into the unknown.

The Wisdom of Not Knowing

Derek was in his mid-40s when he first contacted me about training. As a successful family man with a high-powered career, he approached jiu-jitsu like he approached everything else in life – with clear boundaries and expectations. "I got this going on, and that. This is how much I'm going to train, and nothing more. I don't really care about self-defense. I know what I want out of it." He almost made me feel like he was the coach, it was convincing.

Before stepping foot in the gym, Derek thought he knew exactly what jiu-jitsu was and what it could offer him. He applied his hard-earned wisdom and success to this new endeavor, just as he had done countless times before in his professional life. He wanted to be in control.

Today, Derek trains far more than his initially planned twice-weekly sessions. He's an active competitor and vital member of our gym community. What changed? He discovered what countless others have: you can't truly know jiu-jitsu until you experience it and surrender control.

This brings me to one of the most important points I want to make: having surface-level knowledge or casual observations about jiu-jitsu doesn't mean you understand what it truly is and what it offers. If you've never trained, you're not in a position to make any assumptions or claims about it. Period. And if you do... well, let's just say there's plenty of humble pie served fresh daily on our mats. 😉

Breaking Through Self-Imposed Limitations

Consider Patricia's story. Approaching her mid-40s and wrestling with anxiety and depression, she didn't believe she was particularly good at anything. Her days were consumed by long hours at an unfulfilling job, followed by evenings spent with the same circle of friends she'd had for years – people who, like her, had settled into comfortable routines devoid of personal growth or new challenges. She was just getting by in life, stuck in a loop of predictable monotony.

When a chance encounter with a coach encouraged her to try martial arts, something stirred inside her. Despite her terror of trying something new – especially something so far outside her comfort zone – she gave it a shot. Perhaps it was the realization that her current path wasn't leading anywhere different, or maybe it was simply time for a change.

Today, Patricia trains multiple times per week and brings infectious joy and laughter to our gym. Her transformation isn't just about learning techniques – it's about discovering her own capability and worth. She's found a new community of people who constantly push themselves to grow, learn, and evolve. The contrast between her old social circle and her new training partners has opened her eyes to what's possible when you step out of your comfort zone.

Leading by Example

Tony's story speaks to every parent who's ever felt torn between supporting their children's growth and nurturing their own. As the breadwinner for his family and operator of a successful business, Tony's plate was already full when he first considered jiu-jitsu. Like many parents, he initially approached it thinking only of his son's development – he wanted to give his child every opportunity to succeed.

But something else stirred inside him: that familiar fire to learn and grow, even if life had pushed such pursuits to the back burner. Despite being out of shape, Tony recognized he still had gas in the tank. Instead of just enrolling his son, he made a powerful decision: he would set the example.

The journey wasn't easy. Tony would arrive at class tired from long workdays, but he showed up anyway. Each session required pushing through mental and physical fatigue, but two powerful motivators kept him going: the excitement of learning a new skill and the deepening bond with his son.

After a few months, something remarkable happened. Not only did Tony begin to master techniques and improve his fitness, but he witnessed a beautiful transformation in his son. The boy's enthusiasm for jiu-jitsu grew, fueled by sharing this journey with his father. With his wife's support and encouragement, what started as a child's activity evolved into a powerful family bond.

From Excuses to Excellence: Addressing Common Defenses

Let's examine these common defensive barriers and see what really lies beneath them.

"It's Too Expensive" - The Scarcity Mindset

Often times, when people say jiu-jitsu is too expensive, what they're really saying is they don't see its value as an investment. They view it as just another expense or activity, like a gym membership or hobby. This perspective comes from a scarcity mindset – the belief that resources must be hoarded rather than invested in growth.

Consider what you're actually investing in:

- Mental health: improved presence of mind, reduced anxiety, and better emotional regulation

- Physical wellness: enhanced mobility, strength, flexibility, coordination, and body awareness.

- Life skills: practical self-defense abilities and problem-solving capabilities

- Personal growth: improved lifestyle habits, increased confidence, resilience, and sense of purpose

While I acknowledge real budget constraints exist - and if that's your situation, this particular discussion isn't relevant right now - I do encourage people to honestly evaluate what they invest in, both now and in the future.

"I'm Too Old" - The Safety of Limitations

This excuse often masks a deeper fear of feeling vulnerable or incompetent. I've taught students in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. I personally know people who started in their 60s and achieved black belts. My friend Lily Pagle is a perfect example.

While activities like pickleball, water aerobics, and yoga have successfully marketed themselves to older adults, many assume jiu-jitsu is only for the young. Visit any reputable gym, and you'll find practitioners across all age ranges. Remember: jiu-jitsu's fundamental principle is using technique and leverage to overcome brute force. It's literally designed for the very people who think they can't do it.

"I'm Too Out of Shape" - The Perfect Condition Myth

This excuse reveals our tendency to wait for perfect conditions before starting something new. Jiu-jitsu has no shape. As a weight-class based martial art, you can start at any size or fitness level, and will usually find your perfect match in the gym ❤️. What matters is your courage to make a change.

The practice will naturally lead you toward the best shape of your life, giving you compelling reasons to:

- Strengthen your body

- Improve mobility

- Develop better eating habits

- Make healthier life choices

"It's Not for Women" - Cultural Conditioning

This misconception particularly frustrates me because jiu-jitsu's emphasis on technique over brute force makes it especially empowering for women. In Brazil and Japan, you'll find gender parity in martial arts training – it's largely a cultural barrier in America.

Yes, some women express concerns about:

- Training with men (which actually helps develop real self-defense comfort)

- Physical contact and personal space (which often reflects deeper psychological barriers worth examining)

- Sweat and physical intensity (which becomes negligible as you discover the art's benefits)

"I Don't Have Time" - The Priority Excuse

This usually means "it's not a priority." And that's okay, but let's call it what it is. Over the years, I've seen countless people with seemingly impossible schedules make jiu-jitsu work because they understood its value.

Jiu-jitsu doesn't just consume time – it enhances your relationship with time by:

- Providing clear milestones and goals

- Teaching presence and focus

- Creating purposeful structure in your routine

- Offering an escape from daily stressors

Fear: Your Stepping Stone to Growth

As a coach, I've learned something beautiful about fear in jiu-jitsu: it's not just an obstacle - it's an opportunity. When someone tells me they "don't have time" or "it's too expensive," I often hear the whisper of fear beneath these concerns. And you know what? That's completely natural. It's even healthy.

Here's something that might surprise you: fear doesn't magically disappear once you start training. It just...evolves. And that's actually one of the most powerful parts of the journey.

You might start with the simple fear of walking into the gym. Then one day, you realize you're confidently walking through those doors, but now you're nervous about raising your hand in class to ask a question. Push through that, and you might find yourself contemplating competition or teaching a class - more new, and exciting challenges with their own set of butterflies. Even our most experienced practitioners still feel fear – of trying new techniques, taking chances, of fully expressing themselves in jiu-jitsu.

This step-by-step progression is exactly how we build genuine, lasting confidence. Each small victory, each fear faced, becomes a building block. The confidence you gain from finally asking that question in class carries over into your work life. The resilience you develop from learning a challenging technique spills into how you handle other life challenges.

I've seen this transformation countless times: The timid beginner who can barely make eye contact becomes the helpful upper belt showing new students how to tie their belt. The nervous parent who came to watch their kids becomes the enthusiastic competitor. The busy professional who "didn't have time" becomes the dedicated student who never misses a class.

Every single person on those mats, from white belt to black belt, is working through some level of fear. It's not about being fearless - it's about building a better relationship with fear, using it as a compass pointing toward growth.

When you come to try a class, know that you're not expected to conquer all your fears at once. We'll take it one step at a time, celebrating each small victory along the way. Because that's how real confidence is built - not by avoiding fears, but by facing them gradually, supported by a community that understands exactly what you're going through.

The Ego Check: Your Biggest Opponent Isn't On The Mats

I can almost hear some of you scoffing as you read this post. There are always scoffers. Maybe you're thinking "Who does this guy think he is?" I get it. I've heard it before.

Let me be direct: I'm someone who has dedicated the better part of my life to studying this craft, supporting hundreds of students, watching their transformations, and accumulating knowledge that people want. But here's the thing - this isn't about me. It's about a truth that makes many people uncomfortable: To learn jiu-jitsu, you have to be ready to humble yourself.

Nobody likes being told what to do, especially before they trust that you care and are committed to their growth. I understand that resistance. But consider this: Your ego - that voice telling you you're above this, that you know better, that you don't need to listen - might be the very thing standing between you and significant growth, both on and off the mats.

Think about it. In what other areas of your life might your ego be blocking your progress? How many opportunities for learning and growth have you missed because you weren't willing to be a beginner again? To look foolish? To admit you don't know something?

It's fascinating how many of our excuses are really just fear and ego in disguise. "I'm too old" often means "I don't want to look bad compared to younger people." "I'm not in good enough shape" can mean "I don't want people to see me struggle." "I'm afraid of getting injured" might really be "I don't want to admit I don't know how to move my body safely yet."

The beauty of jiu-jitsu is that it gives you no choice but to check your ego at the door. That 100-pound blue belt who just tied you in knots? That's what checking your ego feels like. That new movement that makes you feel uncoordinated and awkward? That's what growth feels like. That moment when you realize you've been doing something wrong for months and need to relearn it? That's what progress feels like.

The willingness to surrender your ego - to truly become a student again - could be the most valuable skill you'll develop here. And yes, this skill has a funny way of making you more successful in every other area of your life too.

So if you're feeling defensive reading this, if you're mentally composing all the reasons why this doesn't apply to you - pause for a moment. That resistance you're feeling? That's exactly what we're talking about. And just maybe, it's pointing you toward exactly where you need to be.

Breaking Through: A Practical Guide to Starting

1. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about your excuses

2. Acknowledge your fears – they're normal and human

3. Ask questions – lots of them

4. Give yourself permission to be a beginner

5. Look for a small gym with diverse membership (children, women, older adults)

6. Approach it as a creative pursuit

7. Commit to more than just one class

8. Stay long enough to let it transform you

9. Focus on fundamentals

10. Start with the gi

The Family Dynamic: Growth as a Shared Journey

Many adults, especially parents, struggle with pursuing personal growth. Remember: your identity isn't limited to being a parent, provider, or partner. You're an individual who deserves to grow and develop.

The Ripple Effect of Parent Participation

When parents train alongside their children, the benefits multiply:

- Children see that growth and learning are lifelong pursuits

- Shared experiences create deeper understanding and respect

- Both parent and child can celebrate each other's progress

- Family conversations gain new depth and shared reference points

- Physical activity becomes a family value rather than just a child's activity

The Power of Community

Jiu-jitsu isn't just about individual growth – it's about becoming part of something larger. Our gym community provides:

- Accountability partners

- Supportive friendships

- Diverse perspectives

- Shared goals and celebrations

- Mental health support

- Professional networking opportunities

A Note About Trauma

If you're dealing with significant trauma, please consult a mental health professional before starting any martial art. That said, as someone with a trauma background, I can attest to jiu-jitsu's potential as a powerful tool for healing and growth when approached thoughtfully and with proper support.

From Excuses to Excellence: Your Journey Begins

1. Visit Our Gym: Come observe a class and meet our diverse community

2. Free Trial: Experience three classes at no cost

3. Family Plan: Ask about our special family training packages

4. Beginner Program: Join our structured introduction to jiu-jitsu

"You’re going to be somewhere in 10 years, you might as well be a black belt." – Chris Haueter

Your excuses are well-practiced, but they don't have to define your future. Every person mentioned in this post once stood exactly where you are now, armed with their own set of reasons why they couldn't or shouldn't start. Today, they're grateful they found the courage to step onto the mats anyway.

Don't let another day pass wondering "what if?" Contact us today to schedule your first visit.